I woke up this morning feeling like everything that he said to me made me feel like he didn’t think I was good enough for him. Why? Because I didn’t meet his standards or expectations? I keep questioning myself now. Is it because he wants me to be better? Does he want what’s best for me? Or is it because he’s simply just looking down on me? I don’t even know anymore. I keep feeling like I’m not worth it. I doubt I’ll ever be able to find the answers that I’m looking for. I’m currently just trying to live without knowing the answers but it’s so hard. I’ve had so many people treat me like I’m not worth it or like I’m not good enough for them. I’ve constantly changed myself for people that I think care about me but I have no idea who does or doesn’t anymore.
I’ve felt so lost the past few days because I don’t know who I am anymore. I just want to be numb.
Thank you to everyone who has never asked me to change. To all the people that accepted me the way that I am and still loved me for it. To all the people that want to still be by my side without the “if onlys” or “buts”. To all the people that never made me feel less of myself just because I act or am a certain way. To all the people that let me learn from my mistakes my way and understand that I’ll grow up and get to where I need to be one day. Thank you to all the people that stick by me despite my mood swings, despite the fact that I have many more bad days than good. Thank you to all the people that see me in their lives long-term rather than those who enjoy my company just for right now. To all the people that support me and appreciate everything that I do for them. Thank you to all the people that let me cry, throw a tantrum, and get mad at them just because I can’t seem to get my own life right at the moment. To all the people that try to help me see that my day would come where I wouldn’t have to be so sad anymore and that right now it’s okay to cry.
Thank you to all those people… I wish I could be better for you.