You Didn’t Exist

I was on cloud 9 before I learned how to fly,

Nor was I even ready to float above the sky. 

But I didn’t know then and neither did I care,

Because at the time, it was you I had there. 

Every day spent with you was simple and perfect,

Making me always yearning for when I’d see you next. 

But just as quickly as you made me feel lifted,

You dropped me and got me all twisted. 

I had wondered why for so long,

What about me that was so wrong?

Was I not enough? Did I not try?

Not enough that you had to look me in the eye,

And tell me it’s not working and this is goodbye?

I tried not to cry. 

I tried not to feel like I wanted to die,

Or that I was torn up all inside. 

So I let myself lie.

I let myself smile and agree to your goodbye.

I walked out your door and went to get high,

To numb all the pain that I was feeling inside. 

I was so mad at you.

I kept asking myself how could you?

How could you tell me you cared,

And that you’d be there?

Or that you weren’t like the others,

And you didn’t want to hurt me or see me suffer?

Yet you did. 

You walked out on me when you were the one I needed. 

But thanks,

Thanks for leaving when you did. 

It made me push myself to be better and test my limits.

I realized what I deserved and you weren’t it.

I brushed off the lies, the judgement, and the bullshit.

Now my life’s back to normal and is as good as it gets.

It’s just like you didn’t even exist.