092916; 2:27pm

Bored with life lately, not motivated, not inspired. Everything is just so plain, from the normal daily routine to the people around me. There’s such a lack of real connection and the urge to want to be around anyone or to do anything. I want to be inspired again, to be excited about life and living again. I normally live life overthinking, and over-caring about everything. Now, I don’t really care about anything. I miss having intimate talks with someone, when we lay there all night going through old music, laughing about stupid jokes that aren’t even funny, and our thoughts, and dreams, and hopes for the future. I hated him for what he did to me, but even if they were lies, at that moment, I felt a connection with him that I hadn’t felt with someone in a long time. The security and comfort surrounded me, and I felt so safe, like being right there at that moment was where I was meant to be. I was going through a rough patch at the time and used up all my energy in places that I shouldn’t have, when I could’ve put my energy in places that I should. One thing that I learned this summer after I lost my friends was, I can survive without them and I was able to find happiness without them. What I also learned this summer was that the intimate connection that I had with him was what I actually needed, was what I couldn’t live and be happy without. I can’t even cry nowadays. I can’t even laugh nowadays. I feel like a zombie, because right now, what is life anyway?

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